IF YOU ARE RICH, AND HAVE PLEDGED YOUR ETERNAL LIFE TO SATAN:

IF YOU ARE RICH, AND HAVE PLEDGED YOUR LIFE TO SATAN, WHILE LIVING ON EARTH, IT IS NOT TOO LATE FOR YOU TO REPENT, AND TO COME BACK TO CHRIST. AND THROUGH YOUR MONTHLY PLEDGE OF 10K/MO, I WILL HELP YOU TO ACCOMPLISH THIS, AS WELL AS NEGOTIATE WITH GOD ON YOUR BEHALF* 

IF YOU ARE POOR, AND CANNOT AFFORD MY RETAINER FEE:

IF YOU ARE POOR, AND CANNOT AFFORD MY RETAINER FEE, BUT WOULD STILL LIKE TO REPENT, AND TO RETURN BACK TO CHRIST, I WILL STILL HELP YOU AT NO CHARGE, AS I AM A "FISHER OF MEN." MY JOB IS TO COME BACK TO EARTH TO "GET YOU", AND TO PUT YOU SOMEPLACE SAFE, WHICH IS IN THE HANDS OF JESUS.